he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
