I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish you could order shots online.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
