the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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