He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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