How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
