there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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