O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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