dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
