I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
