i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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