If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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