I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need to align my fucking chakras
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
