Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
