I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
