i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
