I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
