have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
