Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
