My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
