The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
