Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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