u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
