apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
