Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
