well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
