The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
