I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
