WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
