Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
