just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
