i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
