hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
