Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize