yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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