lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
