You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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