You're completely useless in the revolution.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
