It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
