dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
