I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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