I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
