i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
