We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
