I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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