I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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