HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
