No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
