How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
