I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
