I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
