I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
