I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do herpes really smell.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
