i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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