My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
