all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
