you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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