i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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