haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
