Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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