You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
