Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
