So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
