I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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