Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
