I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
