Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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